I finally feel like me again. I’m not the same me that I was before. I don’t look the same as I used to, I don’t feel the same as I used to and I don’t spend my time doing the same things I used to. But I feel like me – I’m finally comfortable in my own skin again.
Even though I’m down to my pre-baby weight, and then some, I still get the muffin-top look with almost every pair of pants – new and old. I’ve needed new bras every few weeks since about the 20th week of pregnancy, and I’m sure I’ll have to buy a few more. My hair is still falling out by the handful (or at least seems like it) and shows no signs of stopping. So physically, I’m not the same and don’t expect to ever be. I’m a lot more comfortable with my pudge and stretch marks than I was a few months ago though.
Now, when it’s just Chloe and I home in the morning, I can take a shower without her screaming the whole time. It’s a quicker shower and I poke my head out every 30 seconds to make a funny face at her in her bouncy seat or exersaucer – but I can take a shower!! Aaron and I get to eat a hot dinner together more often than not, occasionally even cooking it together. Again, we often spend a good portion of dinner making faces or silly sounds in Chloe Mae’s general direction – but we can eat together!!
My life isn’t what it was, but I don’t want that life. It took me a while to adjust – no one imagines that the baby they wait 9 months for will spend 90% of her days crying for the first 3 months. And even if our little girl hadn’t been colicky, a baby is a big adjustment, regardless. I’m adjusting though and I like who I am now. I think laying on the floor in a shirt covered in slobber, snot and spit up, making faces and random sounds at my amazing little girl suits me just fine. Maybe I’ll call myself “Blakely 2.0” from now on…