Sometimes I wish that my constant worrying and crazy need to control and plan everything possible was pregnancy related. I don’t think it is. And I should say, my husband is a saint. He doesn’t just deal with a crazy wife while I’m pregnant – he deals with it pretty much all the time. There are a lot more unknowns while I’m pregnant though, which doesn’t work well with my need to control everything. This means the crazy comes out in full force!
Last Saturday, Chloe Mae went to the library with Nanna and Dudad while DaddyMort and I prettied ourselves up to go out to lunch with the family. (This can also be read as: DaddyMort and I had an uninterrupted hour of time together!!) During this time, I was asking about his available vacation time this year to try to figure out how much time he’ll be able to take off when BabyD arrives in the fall. It started out as an innocent, non-crazy, conversation. Since I wasn’t being interrupted by a very adorable almost-two-year-old, things quickly took a turn as I started coming up with contingency plans for if BabyD arrives on Monday vs. Thursday or Wednesday vs. Saturday. DaddyMort let me keep talking, but I soon figured out based on the looks he was giving me and the “uh-huh’s” that I had crossed the line from casually wondering about vacation time to being a crazy control freak. I backed down a little, but not without trying to justify my craziness first 🙂
Now today, I’m in a tizzy over tomorrow’s ultrasound. When it was first scheduled, I tried to put it out of my mind, because it was 4 weeks away and I knew it would take forever to get here if I was constantly thinking about it. Then a couple weeks ago I found out I might have to report to jury duty today, which would jeopardize tomorrow’s scheduled ultrasound. Again, I was trying not to think about it. At 5:03PM last night I called and found out I didn’t have to report to jury duty, so I was in the clear. I was finally excited for Wednesday morning!! I told a pregnant friend (who’s also our sitter) when I picked Chloe up. Then we were excited together. I told my husband and we were excited together. I called my mom to confirm plans for her to watch Chloe Wednesday morning while we’re at the appointment. And you guessed it – we were excited together!!
For 10 hours I was excited. Then at about 3AM I got up for one of my many nightly trips to the restroom. I laid in bed, unable to fall back asleep after that and started worrying. What if we get to the ultrasound and something’s wrong? I have no reason to think anything’s wrong – but I have to be in a rational state of mind for that to make a difference. I didn’t feel Chloe Mae move until 18.5 weeks. I’ll be 18 weeks tomorrow, so we’re not behind on that one. I had a wonderfully easy, healthy pregnancy last time, so there’s no reason to think this one will be any different.
I can’t help it though. I am worried. That’s just who I am – as a person and a mom. Hopefully by about 8:05 tomorrow morning we will have at least seen BabyD and heard his/her heartbeat. And soon after that, I hope all of my other (current) worries will be gone and BabyD will be given a clean bill of health. Then on to the next set of worries and craziness!!
*This is me being rational and assuming that everything will be fine with our little one: I can’t keep a secret, so we will be sharing BabyD’s gender when we find out. Stay tuned tomorrow for the big announcement!!